Got a toothbrush?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
