totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
