i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
