She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
