I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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