Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
