I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
