Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
