Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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