Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
