you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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