i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
