If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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