This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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