All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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