I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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