ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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