It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
