i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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