bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
