He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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