So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
