Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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