im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
