Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
