i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
