What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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