My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
