I want to stick my p in your. b.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i out mim tonsoeep
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