Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
