so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
