guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The best revenge is premature balding
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
