can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
