it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
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This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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