Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
