you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
