He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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