we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
