remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
