I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
