dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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