Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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