before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
