Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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