I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
