I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
