I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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