just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
