apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
