I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
