I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
