Dual....:-)
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
