I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
