His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
