When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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