hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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