Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
