So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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