end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
