i may or may not be watching the land before time
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
