Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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