Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
