I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
