I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just forgot I was standing up.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
