I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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