I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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