That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
