He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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