My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize