apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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