Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
