you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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